This past weekend was one of the first times I had three continuous days in DC off, and as it happens, Elly was out of town with her pal Tyger going hiking.
I had my weekend pretty set to not do much of anything. Which for me means reading, catching up on blog posts, responding to email, and engaging in one of the thousands of research projects I like doing when left to my own devices with a fast net connection.
I set of Saturday afternoon to get my bike fixed (the tire blew) and go on a long-ish ride. Ruond 1: I set out, thrilled to have the bike working again, get four miles out, the tire blows again. Now, it was a slow enough leak that I could limp my way back to the bike shop (at this point it's raining, but at least it was warm) and hand-pump the tire ever so often. I return, the guy apologetically fixes it again and finds the offending piece of glass. Off again for the C&O canal trail, and the weather has cleared up.
After a leisurely break at a park along on the way, happily reading a book about Weather Underground that I'd meant to read ages ago, I decide to see how far the trail goes. Pretty far, I find out, as I wind up in Bethesda, then Silver Spring, and wind my way back dow Rock Creek Park to my house.
I approach the door to the apartment with Elly's keys and realize to my dismay that it's not a complete set. Whoops! I'm locked out of the apartment, having just ridden 36 miles on my bike. I'm hungry, pretty tired, and not real sure where I'll sleep. At least I had the presence of mind to call up my pals the Georgetown students, who let me crash on their sofa for a couple of days.
So instead of my grand internet plans, I hung out with Georgetown folks, and read a bunch (which was nice), and biked around. All told, I did pretty much what I set out to do, but without the luxury of daytime naps on my sofa. In some ways, it prevented me from staying home and cleaning too much, which is a weird habit I've acquired with old age.
Elly returned Monday afternoon, so I spent the rest of the day with her and Tyger after we all were able to clean up bit.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Friday, May 20, 2005
The big apple bday update
Hey folks,
I realize I leave you hanging a bit with my last both. Foolish moi! I had a lovely birthday, thanks to my pals Alicia GB, the infamous mollyjean jellybean, the long-lost Kris and of course my lovely partner Elly. Not only did my co-retreat-goers make a surprise vegan birthday cake, I spent a couple of evenings with low-key revalry...a local (to Brooklyn) political hip-hop show one night, and a down-the-block house party the next.
Sunday we were on a train and back to work for Monday, although neither myself nor my co-workers got in particularly early. In fact, I would up a bit under the weather and stayed home mostly. I've fought off a nasty cold that's going around here.
There will be pictures forthcoming, but I left my camera connector at my parents'. It's on its way to me as fast as the postal service will carry it.
Thanks to all who sent me birthday wishes!
I realize I leave you hanging a bit with my last both. Foolish moi! I had a lovely birthday, thanks to my pals Alicia GB, the infamous mollyjean jellybean, the long-lost Kris and of course my lovely partner Elly. Not only did my co-retreat-goers make a surprise vegan birthday cake, I spent a couple of evenings with low-key revalry...a local (to Brooklyn) political hip-hop show one night, and a down-the-block house party the next.
Sunday we were on a train and back to work for Monday, although neither myself nor my co-workers got in particularly early. In fact, I would up a bit under the weather and stayed home mostly. I've fought off a nasty cold that's going around here.
There will be pictures forthcoming, but I left my camera connector at my parents'. It's on its way to me as fast as the postal service will carry it.
Thanks to all who sent me birthday wishes!
Saturday, May 14, 2005
Happy birthday to me
As I type, I'm on a train to New York. This year's birthday is celebrated on a coast I know not well with a present of an 8-hour portion of a retreat to help facilitate in New York. I'm trying not to be bitter, and part of me consented to it. The retreat itself is exciting - USAS's first-ever Alliance Building Committee strategy retreat. The ABC is the group that works on implementing anti-oppression work USAS-wide. It helps to be able to meet and strategize while doing that!
Tomorrow I turn twenty-nine, which I feel is a pretty unremarkable number. I question what I'm doing as an organizer with a student-run organization, but I think we both feel that I'm doing more good than harm, so hey, beats crappy nonprofit administrative work by tons.
Elly, Alicia, and my pal Molly will be gathering after the eight-hour retreat for a small birthday fete, that'll be fun. It seems like it would be hard not to have fun with a birthday in New York - so much happens all the time there! Heck, we could walk around and go to a bookstore and I'd be happy.
I've been something of a lug about my Taurean comrades' birthdays - Karl, Noah, Anju, Izzy - I owe ya somethin'. A little piece o' my heart.
Tomorrow I turn twenty-nine, which I feel is a pretty unremarkable number. I question what I'm doing as an organizer with a student-run organization, but I think we both feel that I'm doing more good than harm, so hey, beats crappy nonprofit administrative work by tons.
Elly, Alicia, and my pal Molly will be gathering after the eight-hour retreat for a small birthday fete, that'll be fun. It seems like it would be hard not to have fun with a birthday in New York - so much happens all the time there! Heck, we could walk around and go to a bookstore and I'd be happy.
I've been something of a lug about my Taurean comrades' birthdays - Karl, Noah, Anju, Izzy - I owe ya somethin'. A little piece o' my heart.
Goin' back to Cali
Back from Pella, I had three days to get my affairs in order to leave for my rapid-fire trip to visit my parents. I say "visit my parents" because that's as much time as I had...I'd originally planned for a two-week, half-with-family half-with-Bay-pals trip. Oh, no. Perhaps I didn't heed my own schedule, sense, or anything like that. I had exactly five days, and then back to DC for a couple of big meetings and a retreat.
So off were Elly and I! I think ours was perhaps the fourth flight in the history of Independence Air to go to San Francisco...that made me nervous, but it was actually quite lovely. It was the pilot's birthday and the flight attendants made a big to-do about it, sending around paper for us to write birthday greetings, and I found that seriously endearing. Taurus solidarity! I feel as though I can't endorse them becaue I'm sure the flights are that cheap due to non-union practices**, but geez, they're cheap and good. No movies, though. Be prepared.
Mazzy graciously put us up the first night, and then Cathy Rion lent us her car for the trip up. Highlights include good food, chill time with the fams, hanging out with my dad after an ill-fated attempt to see Kung-Fu Hustle with them (have I ranted about how much I like that movie here? I *heart* it), and Elly seeing her first rural Northern California town's rodeo parade. I guess Silver Spring, Maryland doesn't have rodeo parades. Go figure.
Upon return to the SF, I had 24 hours to see people and no prep time to call. If you're reading this and thinking, "Hey, Max didn't call me, that #&*(%^*!" You're right. I'm a baad person, and I feel pretty guilty for not having called (<— not sarcasm, actually true). My consolation prize is that I'm planning a bigger trip in August, so if you'll still speak to me then, I'd love to see you. But I finally broke the cell phone lost in California trip, but didn't realize how much my parents' house (and the entire town of Sonora) is out of range. Not having had my phone up there previously, I had a heightened sense of cell-phone use grandeur that was soon dashed upon arrival.
**Not true, not true! I stand corrected. After an employee commented on my blog, there's a little CWA FAQ about them. Hurray for union cheap airlines!
So off were Elly and I! I think ours was perhaps the fourth flight in the history of Independence Air to go to San Francisco...that made me nervous, but it was actually quite lovely. It was the pilot's birthday and the flight attendants made a big to-do about it, sending around paper for us to write birthday greetings, and I found that seriously endearing. Taurus solidarity! I feel as though I can't endorse them becaue I'm sure the flights are that cheap due to non-union practices**, but geez, they're cheap and good. No movies, though. Be prepared.
Mazzy graciously put us up the first night, and then Cathy Rion lent us her car for the trip up. Highlights include good food, chill time with the fams, hanging out with my dad after an ill-fated attempt to see Kung-Fu Hustle with them (have I ranted about how much I like that movie here? I *heart* it), and Elly seeing her first rural Northern California town's rodeo parade. I guess Silver Spring, Maryland doesn't have rodeo parades. Go figure.
Upon return to the SF, I had 24 hours to see people and no prep time to call. If you're reading this and thinking, "Hey, Max didn't call me, that #&*(%^*!" You're right. I'm a baad person, and I feel pretty guilty for not having called (<— not sarcasm, actually true). My consolation prize is that I'm planning a bigger trip in August, so if you'll still speak to me then, I'd love to see you. But I finally broke the cell phone lost in California trip, but didn't realize how much my parents' house (and the entire town of Sonora) is out of range. Not having had my phone up there previously, I had a heightened sense of cell-phone use grandeur that was soon dashed upon arrival.
**Not true, not true! I stand corrected. After an employee commented on my blog, there's a little CWA FAQ about them. Hurray for union cheap airlines!
A touch of Holland and white privilege
After London, where else could I have gone than the mysterious, retiring Pella, Iowa? My dear pal Chris Crass and the Catalyst Project, a small and dedicated group of anti-racism trainers from the SF Bay Area, invited me to be a panelist at the Sixth Annual White Privilege Conference. After the flight across the Atlantic I had to re-acquaint myself with small planes, but it wasn't too bad at all. It was a really great opportunity to meet folks from across the country centering racism, and institutional racism as that, as their primary political focus. I'd missed spaces like that.
It was majority white and older-people audience, but the young people there were awesome and a third of the conference. There were as many high school students as college students, and the youth track was entirely high-school students from what I could determine. There were good keynotes, a wide array of workshops, and I was put up in the hotel with all the guest speakers, so we all rubbed elbows with Peggy Macintosh, Paul Kivel, and Tim Wise and the like for breakfast. Mr. Kivel came out with a book about class not long ago, and was leading very good workshops about it; I attended one during the course of the conference. Our panels were pretty good, if I do say so myself. There was barely any room for audience participation (not good) and the groups were small, but younger and pretty excited to hear what we were saying. It was incredibly useful to articulate the ways I feel that the work USAS does as an organization is about challenging white supremacy in practice - which has challenges, and we've by no means worked it out. The work USAS does winds up being anti-racist by default, because the people with whom we stand in solidarity are ovewhelmingly low-income Women of Color. But our affiliates (and ourselves) aren't always doing this work ina consciously anti-racist fashion. Our concerns were pretty different from those of the older participants, many of whom work in what the People's Institute refer to as "gatekeeper" organizations - social services, education administration, nonprofit work. There the message was, "It's not that you have to quit your job, but you need to ask yourself who ultimately benefits from the work you do and do it in such a way as to conform to your principles". For us, as a movement-oriented student organization, we have different challenges: We get students for 3 years, maybe more if they become grad student rabble-rousers, but that's rare. How much can you do, how do you preserve wins and institutionalize work while retaining the democratic and student-driven nature of the organization and work, and with such high turnover, how do you create lasting accountable relationships? In a campus environment, students are temporary residents, often vastly economically and educationally privileged over their service-worker counterparts, often discovering political action and thought outside of the home for the first time. This is not an ideal setup for building long-term, lasting accountable relationships, but in some ways really similar to the big global justice mobilizations. For its part, USAS has done an impressive job rising to that challenge. Creating lasting relationships and establishing the Worker Rights Consortium, who can function basically as a global grievance procedure that communicates sweatshop abuses to a ready-to-mobilize constituency, is pretty darn smart. Establishing relationships with campus workers, campus unions, and being clear about the power univiersities have over their contractors and demanding ethical standards - that can firmly counter institutional forms of economic and racial oppression if done with the proper principles in mind. But of course, the organization has struggled for years with the changing reality of its foundation by middle and upper-class white college students. The thing that most impresses me is that the organization has undergone an anti-racist transformation process that's been slowly shifting who makes decisions, whether People of Color int he organization are in leadership positions and making organizational decisions, where scholarhsip resources go, how we develop leaders and whether there's an explicitly anti-racist training series available/mandated for students attending nationally-coordinated gatherings. We have a much-debated caucus and ally structure, and it continues to crete safe spaces for people experiencing forms of oppression to meet, set priorities, offer criticism, and shift the organization further. Hasta la victoria, siempre.
But I digress. My co-panelists were awesome, and here is the panel description and their bios (thanks to Chris, who fervently documents Catalyst's work)
We spent a fair amount of time meeting and talkin' politics with various awesome. I met a former USAS coordinating committee member, who had been a part of a SAS group at U of Kentucky adn I caught her up on the last few years. We went in search of more exciting coffee and found a lovely cafe in town with many forms of latte I hadn't previously thoguth possible, like "Snickers Bar Latte" and "Mint Chip Latte". Hey, and free wireless!
Pella's theme is "A Touch of Holland." I'm not entirely sure why, but I should've asked - I assumed it meant that the people originally colonizing this bit of the US were Dutch. As a consqeuence, we were a week early for the famed Pella Tulip Fair, and boy, were there tulips in this town! People could be seen in the requisite little wooden shoes and pointy hats. There were Dutch bakeries, Dutch-processed chocolate, and lots of white people. The town is still getting used to the conference, but at least I felt welcome.
I left with an hour of sleep at about 10am. We were scheduled from 8am to midnight and asked to speak at more panels than we'd planned, so it was quite a packed schedule.
It was majority white and older-people audience, but the young people there were awesome and a third of the conference. There were as many high school students as college students, and the youth track was entirely high-school students from what I could determine. There were good keynotes, a wide array of workshops, and I was put up in the hotel with all the guest speakers, so we all rubbed elbows with Peggy Macintosh, Paul Kivel, and Tim Wise and the like for breakfast. Mr. Kivel came out with a book about class not long ago, and was leading very good workshops about it; I attended one during the course of the conference. Our panels were pretty good, if I do say so myself. There was barely any room for audience participation (not good) and the groups were small, but younger and pretty excited to hear what we were saying. It was incredibly useful to articulate the ways I feel that the work USAS does as an organization is about challenging white supremacy in practice - which has challenges, and we've by no means worked it out. The work USAS does winds up being anti-racist by default, because the people with whom we stand in solidarity are ovewhelmingly low-income Women of Color. But our affiliates (and ourselves) aren't always doing this work ina consciously anti-racist fashion. Our concerns were pretty different from those of the older participants, many of whom work in what the People's Institute refer to as "gatekeeper" organizations - social services, education administration, nonprofit work. There the message was, "It's not that you have to quit your job, but you need to ask yourself who ultimately benefits from the work you do and do it in such a way as to conform to your principles". For us, as a movement-oriented student organization, we have different challenges: We get students for 3 years, maybe more if they become grad student rabble-rousers, but that's rare. How much can you do, how do you preserve wins and institutionalize work while retaining the democratic and student-driven nature of the organization and work, and with such high turnover, how do you create lasting accountable relationships? In a campus environment, students are temporary residents, often vastly economically and educationally privileged over their service-worker counterparts, often discovering political action and thought outside of the home for the first time. This is not an ideal setup for building long-term, lasting accountable relationships, but in some ways really similar to the big global justice mobilizations. For its part, USAS has done an impressive job rising to that challenge. Creating lasting relationships and establishing the Worker Rights Consortium, who can function basically as a global grievance procedure that communicates sweatshop abuses to a ready-to-mobilize constituency, is pretty darn smart. Establishing relationships with campus workers, campus unions, and being clear about the power univiersities have over their contractors and demanding ethical standards - that can firmly counter institutional forms of economic and racial oppression if done with the proper principles in mind. But of course, the organization has struggled for years with the changing reality of its foundation by middle and upper-class white college students. The thing that most impresses me is that the organization has undergone an anti-racist transformation process that's been slowly shifting who makes decisions, whether People of Color int he organization are in leadership positions and making organizational decisions, where scholarhsip resources go, how we develop leaders and whether there's an explicitly anti-racist training series available/mandated for students attending nationally-coordinated gatherings. We have a much-debated caucus and ally structure, and it continues to crete safe spaces for people experiencing forms of oppression to meet, set priorities, offer criticism, and shift the organization further. Hasta la victoria, siempre.
But I digress. My co-panelists were awesome, and here is the panel description and their bios (thanks to Chris, who fervently documents Catalyst's work)
Building Movement, Building Power: a panel discussion on lessons from younger generation anti-racists activists
We want justice. We want to build healthy, vibrant and sustainable communities that affirm life. We believe that white supremacy shapes the society that we currently live in and that white privilege has consistently undermined multiracial movements for justice. We believe that anti-racism is key to unlocking the power of our communities and our movements to build a free society. This panel discussion with younger generation anti-racist activists will focus on drawing out lessons from their experience. They will address the following questions: What are the goals you're working to meet both long-term and short-term? How have you put anti-racism into practice? What is your strategic orientation to your work? What are key lessons to share? What advice do you have other people who are trying to put anti-racism into practice?
Panelists: Cindy Breunig, Max Toth and Betty Jeanne Rueters-Ward Moderator: Chris Crass of the Catalyst Project
Cindy Breunig grew up in a farmhouse outside of Cross Plains, Wisconsin. She got involved in social justice organizing in Washington DC focusing on student activism, literacy work and Central American solidarity work. Her path to consciousness and action around institutionalized racism was profoundly shaped by relationships to families she worked with in D.C. for four years as a literacy teacher. Since coming back to Wisconsin she has worked to educate and organize other white people in her circle of influence, and support local work for racial justice. She is a Medical Spanish Interpreter.
Betty Jeanne Rueters-Ward grew up in a suburb outside Boston, Massachusetts and has been most involved in student activistm and anti-racism/anti-oppression efforts at her college in Ithaca, New York, and through various Unitarian Universalist communities. She currently serves as one of the Youth Programs Specialists for the Unitarian Universalist Association (the administrative headquarters for a liberal religious denomination), where she coordinates social justice resources and conferences for youth ages 14-20. Betty Jeanne's key issues of involvement have included struggling against student apathy and building community and solidarity among college activist communities, as well as promoting multicultural education reform as a social justice issue among high school, unschooled and homeschooled youth. Betty Jeanne is a trainer with the National Coalition Building Institute, a nonprofit leadership training organization based in Washington, D.C.
Ingrid Chapman is a young community organizer, direct action activist and core member of Catalyst Project. Her roots within radical left organizing began as leading member of the global justice movement in the late '90s. She was a founding member of "Active Solidarity; a collective for anti-racism education" and has led workshops with thousands of activists around the country. The last 2 years she has worked with Oakland residents in struggles for tenant rights, community safety and alternatives to incarceration and policing.
We spent a fair amount of time meeting and talkin' politics with various awesome. I met a former USAS coordinating committee member, who had been a part of a SAS group at U of Kentucky adn I caught her up on the last few years. We went in search of more exciting coffee and found a lovely cafe in town with many forms of latte I hadn't previously thoguth possible, like "Snickers Bar Latte" and "Mint Chip Latte". Hey, and free wireless!
Pella's theme is "A Touch of Holland." I'm not entirely sure why, but I should've asked - I assumed it meant that the people originally colonizing this bit of the US were Dutch. As a consqeuence, we were a week early for the famed Pella Tulip Fair, and boy, were there tulips in this town! People could be seen in the requisite little wooden shoes and pointy hats. There were Dutch bakeries, Dutch-processed chocolate, and lots of white people. The town is still getting used to the conference, but at least I felt welcome.
I left with an hour of sleep at about 10am. We were scheduled from 8am to midnight and asked to speak at more panels than we'd planned, so it was quite a packed schedule.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Countering Wilmington's Coke Habit
This week Allie and I drove up to Wimington, DE — home to many credit card companies and corporate headquarters, due to something special about Delaware's tax law. Who knew I would be back to Delaware so soon? The Coca-Cola Corporation decided this was an appropriate place to hold a share"owners" meeting (that's shareholders to all you non-corporatespeak types). Given Coke's human rights and environmental abuses in Colombia and India, we decided this was an appropriate place to protest! It's actually the second year for our visit to Coke, and the deck was fully stacked with proxies ready to lambast Coke's eternal dodge of responsibility for their bottling plants "happening" to employ paramilitary thugs to kill union leaders. The CEO even saw fit to address these abuses in his opening remarks, hoping to weasel out of it with a report from a notoriously ineffective monitoring agency, CalSafety. CalSafety didn't find any wrongdoing, much as they hadn't during an inspection of the infamous El Monte, CA sweatshop where workers were forced to work at gunpoint behind barbed wire. Fancy that!
Outside the hotel, a small but stalwart group of us picketed and chanted such things as, "Diet, Cherry, or Vanilla! Coca-Cola is a Killah!" again. The nice thing about Coke as a target is that it really gives rise to activist creativity. I'd give my left nostril to never hear "Hey hey, ho ho! Something bad has got to go!" One of our students gave a wonderful treatise on why CalSafety is wholly inadequate. The meeting went an hour over, and nothing other than our agenda got in edgewise. Remember kids, just say no to Coke (and Minute Maid, Odwalla, and Dasani).
Outside the hotel, a small but stalwart group of us picketed and chanted such things as, "Diet, Cherry, or Vanilla! Coca-Cola is a Killah!" again. The nice thing about Coke as a target is that it really gives rise to activist creativity. I'd give my left nostril to never hear "Hey hey, ho ho! Something bad has got to go!" One of our students gave a wonderful treatise on why CalSafety is wholly inadequate. The meeting went an hour over, and nothing other than our agenda got in edgewise. Remember kids, just say no to Coke (and Minute Maid, Odwalla, and Dasani).
London to MD
Upon my re-entry to the States, I collapsed and slept. Then I had a weekend with The Elly and Her Family, as her Grandma was visiting. I got to meet said Grandma, go out to dinner at a lovely Vietnamese restaurant somewhere in Maryland, and watch Elly's little sister Kate perform an amazing high school production of "Sound of Music." Whose high school play has a *pit orchestra*? And a GOOD one, at that? Kate was Maria, and all the singing was wonderfully professional. She was a real trooper, especially since she'd had mono for most of the rehearsal time and was still recovering at the point we caught her on stage. Maria is a very enthusiastic role, with insane quantities of singing. Fun was had by all, and now I've had "The Lonely Goatherd" stuck in my head for about a week.
We then attempted to see Elly's sister Sara's soccer game, but it was not to be - occassionally time management skills are lacking.
We then attempted to see Elly's sister Sara's soccer game, but it was not to be - occassionally time management skills are lacking.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
My 24-hour London Tourist Extravaganza
Today was the one day that I wasn't filming, so I tried to cram in all the London exploration I could handle. I didn't get very far, but it was lovely what I managed.
I dragged myself out of bed to meet up with Amanda at 9:45 am, and ran into Masha on my way out of the tube. Brilliant! We went to the First Out cafe - a very cute queer cafe that was, in fact, the first of its kind. We wandered about SoHo and got lunch at an all-veggie restaurant. Amanda and I proceeded to the metro and due to schedules, I was on my own until 4:30. During that time I managed to go *back* to the Tower of London, and take one of the guided-tour thingies. I jumped on a bus over to the Dungeon, but didn’t have enough time before I reconvened with Masha/Amanda for dinner. Thus concludes the super-typical portion of my touristing.
Dinner was an amazing Turkish restaurant, where Masha and I surveyed our options for going out. Not much on a Wednesday, I’m afraid. Amanda, Maria, Masha and I all headed to the queer film festival to hang out at the packed cafe for a bit. There was lovely eye candy, but Masha and I set out to wander around by the Thames. We ended up coming across the London Eye, The Tate Modern, the Old Globe, London Bridge — all closed, but it made for nice views. We continued on to a bar but they wouldn’t let Masha in - “gentlemen only”. Masha encouraged me to go back and so I walked her to the metro and headed back for a bit but the tube closes early and I have an early morning tomorrow — and the dance floor was totally empty. I uneventfully stood at a bar, drank a ginger ale, and left early.
The exciting bits were catching up with Amanda after seven years, hearing about her regular travels to Greece to learn Greek and bar-tend in a town on Lesbos (also called Mytilene). Yowza! And Masha is here doing research for her book, courtesy of Cornell (where she’s a professor) — and until recently, not finding decent food here. Amanda set her right about places to eat, though.
OK, just ran out of commentary - I’m off to bed now. Here’s pictures of the
trip!
I dragged myself out of bed to meet up with Amanda at 9:45 am, and ran into Masha on my way out of the tube. Brilliant! We went to the First Out cafe - a very cute queer cafe that was, in fact, the first of its kind. We wandered about SoHo and got lunch at an all-veggie restaurant. Amanda and I proceeded to the metro and due to schedules, I was on my own until 4:30. During that time I managed to go *back* to the Tower of London, and take one of the guided-tour thingies. I jumped on a bus over to the Dungeon, but didn’t have enough time before I reconvened with Masha/Amanda for dinner. Thus concludes the super-typical portion of my touristing.
Dinner was an amazing Turkish restaurant, where Masha and I surveyed our options for going out. Not much on a Wednesday, I’m afraid. Amanda, Maria, Masha and I all headed to the queer film festival to hang out at the packed cafe for a bit. There was lovely eye candy, but Masha and I set out to wander around by the Thames. We ended up coming across the London Eye, The Tate Modern, the Old Globe, London Bridge — all closed, but it made for nice views. We continued on to a bar but they wouldn’t let Masha in - “gentlemen only”. Masha encouraged me to go back and so I walked her to the metro and headed back for a bit but the tube closes early and I have an early morning tomorrow — and the dance floor was totally empty. I uneventfully stood at a bar, drank a ginger ale, and left early.
The exciting bits were catching up with Amanda after seven years, hearing about her regular travels to Greece to learn Greek and bar-tend in a town on Lesbos (also called Mytilene). Yowza! And Masha is here doing research for her book, courtesy of Cornell (where she’s a professor) — and until recently, not finding decent food here. Amanda set her right about places to eat, though.
OK, just ran out of commentary - I’m off to bed now. Here’s pictures of the
trip!
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Off to Oxford
Today was the big testing day - we were off by noon, which was merciful becuase I couldn’t drag myself out of bed this morning. We started it off with the good ol’ MMPI-2 - a 597-question series of true-false questions to sort out my personality. Am I depressed? Do I hallucinate? Am I paraniod? I seriously doubt it. We’ll know for sure by Thursday. Then onto short and long-term memory tests, verbal, visual, numerical, and otherwise; pattern-matching, finger-tapping-speed, emotion and age differentiation, grip-strength, analogies, gestalt-picture-interpretation, line-angle discernment, spatial 3-d object rotation, peg-board completion, and top it all off with a functional MRI. It all took about four hours longer than it was supposed to because of a bit of red tape, but I still get a day off tomorrow to go tourist-ing, whihc is good because for a moment I thought that was lost. The BBC folks are all really nice, as was the test administrator. The doctor I was supposed to meet had his flight canceled, so I see him Thursday for the results. My head feels a bit funny - I can feel the MRI while it’s happening, and I’m not sure if that’s a standard phenomenon. I have no idea about the tests, I don’t think the memory ones went so well (ah, well. Gettin’ old...) and the only response I got was the guy testing me asked if I’d ever been diagnosed with dyslexia. Well, no, but I’ve suspected I was mildly dyslexic for years. I reversed letters quite a bit on one of the tests, which prompted his commentary.
Things I like about London
Last night as I was eating lunch/dinner (not quite adjusted to the time difference yet!) I pulled up a copy of the Independent’s Media commentary. How lovely to be reading a paper that has a media commentary section, but what they have to say about US politics is hilarious! So much Bush-and-Blair bashing, it really made me smile. The very nice young lady who was sort of bored working at the restaurant came over to ask me where I’m from - it was a good thing I didn’t lie and say I was from Canada, because she was. She was apologetic about describing her dad as “very anti-American,” and asked why people hated the US so much (rhetorically). I think it surprised her to hear me chime in. “There’s a lot not to like!” She mentioned that people were very nice, but she was talking about Seattle. [West COAST! (Whut! - or, Wot! as the case may be) - but I digress]. I made the classic distinction between the people and the government, and she maintained that the people were better there than here. I think that depends on who you meet, but who am I? She referred me to places to hang out - “where the weirdos are - that’s my neighborhood.” So far, I find people here to be very nice! Although I definitely get some funny looks.
Another exciting thing about London is that it houses my old roomie and pal Amanda, who I get to see for the first time since, well, basically 1998. She’s going to be a bit of a tour guide which I appreciate! I’m still sort of a sucker for those cheesy tourist things. Apparently another dear friend, Masha, is in town and we haven’t seen eachother for ages as well.
Another exciting thing about London is that it houses my old roomie and pal Amanda, who I get to see for the first time since, well, basically 1998. She’s going to be a bit of a tour guide which I appreciate! I’m still sort of a sucker for those cheesy tourist things. Apparently another dear friend, Masha, is in town and we haven’t seen eachother for ages as well.
Monday, April 11, 2005
London calling
Last night I got on a plane at 10pm, and landed in London this morning at 10am. Hey, it’s only a 6 hour time difference, but who’s counting? I made it through the 1-1/2 hour queue at the airport without the dreaded “SSSS” security screening marker and thought I was OK...until the clerk comes after me on my way to drop off my bag tot he x-ray machine. “Wait Mr. Toth! I forgot to put something on your boarding slip!” Blast. Random screening my ass. I don’t know whose list I’m on, but it’s somebody’s, I can tell you that. The screener was nice about it though, he could tell by the way I sat down and put my right foot up that I’d been through this once or twice.
On the plane I got to watch Vera Drake, which I’d been meaning to see. International flights always have better accomodations, even in the crammed economy sections. I couldn’t eat anything and slept my way through after some unremarkable TGIFriday’s fries for dinner (bleah) and landed to have the BBC waiting for me with camera already on. I walk out, look for my sign, and see a camera - oh, that’s for me! Of course everyone’s wondering who I am, and we film me coming out of the doors like, 5 times - geez I was tired. I tried my best to appear fresh after a red-eye and was repsonding to questions about my gender early in the morning for all of Heathrow to hear. Max Toth, International Tranny. I get a good feeling from the director I was working with this morning, but we’ll see. They then film me getting into the cab, film me walking to it twice, interview me in the cab. Cabs in London are cute, I’ll try to include a picture at some point. Then to the hotel, film me getting out, same interview questions times five, my responses getting more cogent and refined as I wake up a bit, up to the room, film me in the room unpacking (which I don’t normally do - I sort of live out of the suitcase) and an extended interview. Lunch is room service, the film crew is off (they’re very nice) and I’m on my own.
On my own! So I’ve no idea how to use the phones or to find internet access, which in a way is a blessing. There’s a small map and I know a good street to walk to. I know I’m centrally located, but that doesn’t mean much to me yet. I get up the oomph to walk down to the street, and it’s pretty cute - there are shops and cafes and internet access places everywhere. I find a tube stop, get a map, figure out where the Tower of London is and to familiarize myself, decide to venture forth. I found it - the tube is really like the NY subway but cleaner, and I guess all subways have pretty similar principles. I wander around, taking pictures like a dorky tourist, decide that the remaining hour isn’t worth the 14.50 (US$27 something - yowza!) and that I’ll come back, and walk a bit around London Bridge. It’s nice to know I can get my way around.
Back near the hotel, I get an adaptor for the power outlet and find a vegetarian restaurant that has a lovely fake chicken satay sandwich. I’d had a pretty hard time staying awake in the tube so I took a nap, and here I am writing. That’s probably way more detail than you needed, but jet lag will do this to a person. I’m off to Oxford for fMRIs tomorrow, and I need to figure out where to get my nosering out beforehand. I’m sure there are piercing shops here? I’m not used to bbeing in places where wireless access is limited and mostly paid - and stuff here ain’t cheap! But so far it’s a good time. Stay posted!
On the plane I got to watch Vera Drake, which I’d been meaning to see. International flights always have better accomodations, even in the crammed economy sections. I couldn’t eat anything and slept my way through after some unremarkable TGIFriday’s fries for dinner (bleah) and landed to have the BBC waiting for me with camera already on. I walk out, look for my sign, and see a camera - oh, that’s for me! Of course everyone’s wondering who I am, and we film me coming out of the doors like, 5 times - geez I was tired. I tried my best to appear fresh after a red-eye and was repsonding to questions about my gender early in the morning for all of Heathrow to hear. Max Toth, International Tranny. I get a good feeling from the director I was working with this morning, but we’ll see. They then film me getting into the cab, film me walking to it twice, interview me in the cab. Cabs in London are cute, I’ll try to include a picture at some point. Then to the hotel, film me getting out, same interview questions times five, my responses getting more cogent and refined as I wake up a bit, up to the room, film me in the room unpacking (which I don’t normally do - I sort of live out of the suitcase) and an extended interview. Lunch is room service, the film crew is off (they’re very nice) and I’m on my own.
On my own! So I’ve no idea how to use the phones or to find internet access, which in a way is a blessing. There’s a small map and I know a good street to walk to. I know I’m centrally located, but that doesn’t mean much to me yet. I get up the oomph to walk down to the street, and it’s pretty cute - there are shops and cafes and internet access places everywhere. I find a tube stop, get a map, figure out where the Tower of London is and to familiarize myself, decide to venture forth. I found it - the tube is really like the NY subway but cleaner, and I guess all subways have pretty similar principles. I wander around, taking pictures like a dorky tourist, decide that the remaining hour isn’t worth the 14.50 (US$27 something - yowza!) and that I’ll come back, and walk a bit around London Bridge. It’s nice to know I can get my way around.
Back near the hotel, I get an adaptor for the power outlet and find a vegetarian restaurant that has a lovely fake chicken satay sandwich. I’d had a pretty hard time staying awake in the tube so I took a nap, and here I am writing. That’s probably way more detail than you needed, but jet lag will do this to a person. I’m off to Oxford for fMRIs tomorrow, and I need to figure out where to get my nosering out beforehand. I’m sure there are piercing shops here? I’m not used to bbeing in places where wireless access is limited and mostly paid - and stuff here ain’t cheap! But so far it’s a good time. Stay posted!
Flowers are pretty and other earth-shattering revelations
Before heading out to the UK, I spent the weekend with Elly. In between work, laundry, and assorted other chores, we made it to the famous DC Annual Cherry Blossom Festival. It was a completely perfect day - sunny, not too windy, blossoms at their peak, and we biked there so as to enjoy the sun and avoid the Metro traffic. It was definitely crowded, but it was a lovely relaxed setting - everyone with some sort of photographic device, all asking someone else to take their picture. So many toddlers! Anyhow, here’s an album of pictures for you to see.
Sunday, April 03, 2005
Philly Phish Phace
While I was in The City of Brotherly Love, I stayed with my pal Molly and this was a dignified moment of fish-face-making forever enshrined in pixels.
tofu hoagies, yurts in delaware, tar heels
Since last I wrote, I went on a campus tour of Philadelphia with my co-worker. I was going to "photo blog" pictures of that trip, so it may be forthcoming. Man, I'm somewhat seriously bummed that Philadelphia isn't a strategic location for national USAS...it's so much more vegan friendly than DC! Ya-Ping of SEAC let me in on the wonder that is three-dollar tofu hoagies at a convenience store/deli. My dear pal Molly took me, Alicia, and Dan Berger out for late-night vegan dim sum at (I kid you not) "Kingdom of Vegetarians". Who knew?
It was a whirlwind tour, some ridiculous number of campuses in a weekend, but really great - I miss Molly a bunch and it was a real treat to get a whole weekend. While I was in town, we went to an event honoring the re-release of Toni Cade Bambara's The Black Woman: An Anthology, where friends of hers shared readings and reflections on the work and her life at the Scribe Video Center, which was amazing. My pal Alicia who works at CISPES in New York came down to talk with folks, and we got to hang out as well...good times!
I returned late on a Saturday, dropped off the car, woke up in DC and picked up another rental with Elly to go off on our four-day vacation. First we spent time with her family on Easter after packing, and engaged in such silliness as chocolate bunny decapitation. We then set off to a yurt on a state park in Delaware. It was quite fun, if a little cold. It was raining like crazy on the first day, so we drove down the length of the state to Rehoboth Beach. Just like us to stumble upon a big gay beach in Delaware, without even meaning to! Other festivities included kayaking on the lake next to our yurt, a five hour hike, and playing card games in random places. Oh, and we went to see "Miss Congeniality 2". I admit it, it was my selection.
After a lovely bit of time there, we headed back and I panicked about having been without internet and cell access for days. Well, the cell's a bit of a stretch, but really we were busy vacationing most of the time. Elly long-sufferingly-y guided my panicky person to a cafe where I begun to catch up on email. The next morning I was on a plane to Durham, where I now write this post instead of sleeping, as I should be doing. The NCAA championship games are happening, and the only reason I know this is that UNC, where a huge effort to support dining workers' organizing is underway, is a finalist. Baby blue "go tar heels" paraphernalia as far as the eye can see. Have I mentioned that since understanding the relationship between college sports and collegiate apparel licensing, I've started vaguely following this basketball season? Who knew that organizing would lead me there? But I'm pretty darn fond of the Durham-Chapel Hill area, so it's a great place to spent the Student Labor Week of Action, fer sure.
OK, I sleep now.
It was a whirlwind tour, some ridiculous number of campuses in a weekend, but really great - I miss Molly a bunch and it was a real treat to get a whole weekend. While I was in town, we went to an event honoring the re-release of Toni Cade Bambara's The Black Woman: An Anthology, where friends of hers shared readings and reflections on the work and her life at the Scribe Video Center, which was amazing. My pal Alicia who works at CISPES in New York came down to talk with folks, and we got to hang out as well...good times!
I returned late on a Saturday, dropped off the car, woke up in DC and picked up another rental with Elly to go off on our four-day vacation. First we spent time with her family on Easter after packing, and engaged in such silliness as chocolate bunny decapitation. We then set off to a yurt on a state park in Delaware. It was quite fun, if a little cold. It was raining like crazy on the first day, so we drove down the length of the state to Rehoboth Beach. Just like us to stumble upon a big gay beach in Delaware, without even meaning to! Other festivities included kayaking on the lake next to our yurt, a five hour hike, and playing card games in random places. Oh, and we went to see "Miss Congeniality 2". I admit it, it was my selection.
After a lovely bit of time there, we headed back and I panicked about having been without internet and cell access for days. Well, the cell's a bit of a stretch, but really we were busy vacationing most of the time. Elly long-sufferingly-y guided my panicky person to a cafe where I begun to catch up on email. The next morning I was on a plane to Durham, where I now write this post instead of sleeping, as I should be doing. The NCAA championship games are happening, and the only reason I know this is that UNC, where a huge effort to support dining workers' organizing is underway, is a finalist. Baby blue "go tar heels" paraphernalia as far as the eye can see. Have I mentioned that since understanding the relationship between college sports and collegiate apparel licensing, I've started vaguely following this basketball season? Who knew that organizing would lead me there? But I'm pretty darn fond of the Durham-Chapel Hill area, so it's a great place to spent the Student Labor Week of Action, fer sure.
OK, I sleep now.
Monday, March 21, 2005
#4 - Ramblin' and readin'!
While I've been in the air constantly, it's provided an opportunity to catch up on reading I've wanted to do for years. I mean, like, since I was in my late teens. It's a preferable diversion to clutching my armrests to semi-frequent turbulence, and man, I never get used to that.
What I've been reading:
What I've been reading:
- I'm currently barreling through Living In, Living Out: African American Domestics and the Great Migration by Elizabeth Clark-Lewis. I was assigned this book in college, but shamefully enough I didn't finish it. I was working like crazy at the time, but it's not that great an excuse. Anyhow, I always intended to finish it, and here I am. It's a wonderful account of the life stories of African American women workers from the early-to-mid 1900s. It's particularly crucial history given that my job is building student solidarity with campus service workers, the vast majority of whom are Women of Color, usually of African descent or immigrants from Central America.
- For St. Patrick's Day, I read How the Irish Became White by Noel Ignatiev. Another book I'd intended to read for a while, it's a pretty depressing account of the ways that recent Irish immigrants to the U.S. took the side of the slaveholders and shifted identities from Irish (or often as from a particular county in Ireland) to "white", with all the oppressiveness that whiteness entails in the U.S. It also draws out the story of the foundation of labor as racist protectionism through the examples of political manuevers in Philadelphia (a city with a large Irish immigrant population in the mid 1800s). Yikes. Positive things include the St. Patrick's Brigade - a group of Irish immigrants to the US sent to fight Mexico who defected and fought on the Mexican side. But that's not much in the grand scheme of things. I'll mention here that I'm part Irish - actually a pretty large part, but ya can't tell by looking because I'm also Hungarian, which makes me olivey and dark-haired and stuff. But more on myself, presentation/perception, background, and complicated stuff like that later.
- I blazed through This Bridge Called My Back: Writings by Radical Women of Color (eds. Gloria Anzaldúa & Cherríe Moraga). I had read about a third of it long ago, and re-read that third two years ago. While I feel guilty to admit it, I had never finished it until recently, but it was incredibly refreshing to read it in its entirety. It's one of those books I forget to recommend to people because I assume that everyone I talk to has read it, because they SHOULD. But therein lies my hypocracy, until recently. I had read later bits as copied readings for various study groups, but reading it in a single sitting is a different experience. While I was reading it, I was inspired, corrected, challenged, and elated - my favorite being Pat Parker's essay at the very end (Revolution:
It's Not Neat or Pretty or Quick.) But I also had a new reaction - there was one piece by hattie gossett about Bilie Holiday (Billie Lives! Billie Lives!) and the song "Gloomy Sunday" that caused me to seriously examine aspects of my Hungarian-ness. I don't actually agree with the piece (which is healthy) but understand where the artist was coming from. I think that my reaction and thoughts warrant their own post so I'll spare you here. - Guns, Germs & Steel (Jared Diamond). This 400+ page tome was actually a real page-turner for me. Now, I'm a total geek (this may have become apparent by now) so that may have had something to do with it. But now when I sit down to eat, I think about all the places the ingredients were first domesticated and their impact on human societies. One person said to me offhandedly, "Oh, you mean, the book about how white people aren't responsible for imperialism?" I can understand that perspective on it, for sure. But the primary thesis of the book is how environmental factors (not deficiencies in people themselves, as racist premises go) account for the different trajectories of human societies and their massively consequential impacts - like, how people in Europe wound up resistant to smallpox while people indigenous to here weren't. He doesn't get into the stuff where then invaders from Europe deliberately spread it as a weapon after realizing this impact, and that's for sure problematic. I'm interested to read his next book and see where he goes from here.
California Soul
I spent this weekend in the Bay Area, it was sooooo good! And such a tease. I had, like, two seconds to see anybody.
Firstly, I think I have a small curse that I have to ward off. During my tight connection at Dallas-Ft. Worth airport, my cell phone fell out of my pocket on the plane as I was running to catch the next one. ARGH! This was my second time back in Cali since I left, and again I'm without a cell phone! American Airlines found it and held it for me, but there wasn't enough time to run back to the terminal and get it before my connection left. So if you didn't get a call from me (or even know that I was in town), that's why...it wasn't for lack of trying. I picked it up on my way back through Dallas.
Gosh I miss EVERYBODY in California. And the weather. It was raining, but still a lovely 60º out! I stayed with Miz Mazzy for two nights, and that was quite good. It was wonderful that she came to get me at the airport, because otherwise I wouldn't have had enough change to call her and let me in the house...at least I lose my phone in places where people support me.
I ate too much vegan food, went to this sort of weird, spread-out student conference at Berkeley - we'd been invited to speak at a panel there, which they set for 9am Sunday morning - and saw some of my people! It's handy that there was a big anti-war rally, so I dropped by with my rolly luggage in tow and gave hugs all around. Man, it's nice to come home!
My pal Cathy Rion put me up for a night, and we wandered around the Albany landfill and ate dumplings at Shan Dong. Later we went to a big benefit for Critical Resistance that my pal Sarah threw, and tons of people I know were there. While it was way too brief, it was still so lovely to see folks. She dropped me off at the airport after playing cello for the Unitarian church she belongs to in Oakland.
As I announced to all my folks at the time, I'll be back! I'm planning a longer and not-work trip to California (one where I have enough time to see my parents, and, like, everybody) at the end of April - beginning of May. See some of ya soon!
Firstly, I think I have a small curse that I have to ward off. During my tight connection at Dallas-Ft. Worth airport, my cell phone fell out of my pocket on the plane as I was running to catch the next one. ARGH! This was my second time back in Cali since I left, and again I'm without a cell phone! American Airlines found it and held it for me, but there wasn't enough time to run back to the terminal and get it before my connection left. So if you didn't get a call from me (or even know that I was in town), that's why...it wasn't for lack of trying. I picked it up on my way back through Dallas.
Gosh I miss EVERYBODY in California. And the weather. It was raining, but still a lovely 60º out! I stayed with Miz Mazzy for two nights, and that was quite good. It was wonderful that she came to get me at the airport, because otherwise I wouldn't have had enough change to call her and let me in the house...at least I lose my phone in places where people support me.
I ate too much vegan food, went to this sort of weird, spread-out student conference at Berkeley - we'd been invited to speak at a panel there, which they set for 9am Sunday morning - and saw some of my people! It's handy that there was a big anti-war rally, so I dropped by with my rolly luggage in tow and gave hugs all around. Man, it's nice to come home!
My pal Cathy Rion put me up for a night, and we wandered around the Albany landfill and ate dumplings at Shan Dong. Later we went to a big benefit for Critical Resistance that my pal Sarah threw, and tons of people I know were there. While it was way too brief, it was still so lovely to see folks. She dropped me off at the airport after playing cello for the Unitarian church she belongs to in Oakland.
As I announced to all my folks at the time, I'll be back! I'm planning a longer and not-work trip to California (one where I have enough time to see my parents, and, like, everybody) at the end of April - beginning of May. See some of ya soon!
#1 - Dr. Translove
Or, how I stopped worrying and learned to love ANY healthcare provider who would deal with me.
This is one of those threads in my life that I kept meaning to post, but somehow was so frustrated by that spending the time to get it in words seemed insurmountable.
OK, first off, I got the memo that I would never have access to the kind of trans-friendly healthcare that I had in San Francisco...so I stocked up on my necessaries so I'd have some months to track down whatever doctors would deal with me. What I didn't really get was just HOW BAD it would be. Don't worry - this story ends with a partial victory.
Mid-December: I contact Whitman-Walker clinic like everyone told me to, and leave a message asking about transgender health care. I know it's been a while since I've landed but heck, I had a whole overwhelming job to do, so yeah. I get a call back from a guy who says "the trans group is on break for christmas, we'll call if it gets started again." I think, okay, I've got a bit of time and I can just reach them after break. He warns me that it's expensive to go through them if I already have health insurance, which I knew would be an issue. Just why am I so darn honest?
Later December: I come down with (what seems to me to be) strep, and embark on the excitement of flexing my Kaiser benefits for the first time. I meet Dr. Cooper, my new primary doctor (and the only other white person I've seen in the hospital during my visit). I explain that I'd like a throat culture. He asks if I'm on any medication, and I think to myself, "Here we go!" I explain myself, he says "whoa, I don't know nothin' about it, but okay, what do you need?" I'm pretty excited he's willing to work with me, and he gives me an order for bloodwork (for which I'm overdue) and I try to remember everything that needs to be included - cholesterol, liver panels, testosterone, anything else? No, I guess that'll do. (for any other folks in my situation, you need a CBC as well, as I was reminded later). He also gives me a referral to a Kaiser endocrinologist with the theory that they can prescribe me more testosterone and needles. I walk away hopeful that Kaiser can deal with me, I know they treat FTMs in San Francisco. It turns out I don't have strep.
Early February: Still no word from Whitman-Walker, I try calling the HIV testing hotline (I'm overdue and get tested regularly on principle) and nobody picks up. I search their website for the number (or any information) about trans healthcare and don't find anything.
Late February: Finally, after a month and change of waiting, my appointment with the endocrinologist arrives. Gosh, I'm nervous but hopeful. Dr. Bryan walks in, more nervous looking than I am, and says "Gosh, we're going to have to talk about some things. I sure wish your doctor had called me to talk about this beforehand!" It's very apparent to me that the translation of this is, "Fuck, I just read your chart 5 minutes before walking in here and had no idea what I was getting into." I say, "yes? Well, I made this appointment a month and a half ago...." He proceeds to explain that he has no idea about how to treat me (medically) and that as a consequence, he doesn't feel comfortable seeing me. I explain that there are very few doctors int eh DC area who do, that I had tried contacting Whitman-Walker, but that becuase I have healthcare, it would be very expensive to go to them. He gets more distressed (as do I) and keeps insisting that he doesn't know anything. I offer to get him phone numbers of either
1. A doctor in the Kaiser system who does;
2. My old primary doctor in San Francisco;
3. A doctor in the DC area who does.
He says he can't do that. I explain that he could be doing me harm by not prescribing me testosterone...if my ovaries fire up again, I can wind up with increased uterine and ovarian cancer risks. He says he has no idea and goes to call the presiding endocrinologist for the Kaiser system (the guy above him). When he comes back, I'm pretty freaked out at theis point, the only information he has for me is that Kaiser doesn't cover any transgender care. I explain that I'm used to paying for the testosterone out-of-pocket, but he knows and I know that doctor visits are way too expensive. He says, "yeah, I know, but I can't do this...maybe you can try another endocrinologist in the Kaiser system who knows more than I do?" Again, I call him on it - we both know that I'll get similar answers to the ones he's giving me. He admits that that's true. He goes and gets a referral for me - to a doctor at Johns Hopkins. I said that while I appreciate the effort, I don't have a car or the income to go out to Johs Hopkins and pay for a doctor visit out-of-pocket, that it's hundreds of dollars. He guiltily admits that this is also true - but reaffirms that he won't do anything for me. At some point, he mentions to me that my T levels are too high - above a "normal man's". I explain that the bloodwork was done very shortly after my shot, which totally effects the reported levels, but this sort of freaks me out as well (I've since confirmed with a doctor about that, and I was correct about that). He offers to refund me the $15 co-pay for my visit, because, as he states, "I've done nothing for you." It's a very weird interaction where he's very guilty about it all but unwilling to take any of my suggestions. I feel like he's trying to buy off his conscience and I decline the offer and leave, shaken. The message was clear: "I don't know what you are and I don't care to deal with you." This doesn't put me in a good mood for the day. There were points in the conversation I thought I was going to cry, and people near me these days know that that doesn't come easy.
Early March: I get an evaluation call from the Kaiser system and give them a piece of my mind (while of course being nice to the lady who's giving the call). Even she's kind of appalled at what I have gone through. I join an FTM listserv and ask questions, I get one doctor referral out in Virginia and lots of flamewars that were the sorts of things that made me run screaming from FTM-based organizing.
A week ago: After searching the Whitman-Walker site for a billionth time, on a whim I go to the "Lesbian Services" section. Who knew I was still a lesbian after all these years? But there it was, information about transgender health! I call, get a response later that day, and have a conversation with a very nice woman who knows about my healthcare issues. YAY! I now have an appointment with them, but first I have to wrest my bloodwork results from Kaiser...it'll cost me the first time, but it's not too bad after that. I mention that the website isn't the most forthcoming to trans people, and she replies that they darn well know it and are working to fix that. I laughingly offer that a flashing "Trannies click here!" button might be appropos.
Stay tuned for more adventures in tranny healthcare...
This is one of those threads in my life that I kept meaning to post, but somehow was so frustrated by that spending the time to get it in words seemed insurmountable.
OK, first off, I got the memo that I would never have access to the kind of trans-friendly healthcare that I had in San Francisco...so I stocked up on my necessaries so I'd have some months to track down whatever doctors would deal with me. What I didn't really get was just HOW BAD it would be. Don't worry - this story ends with a partial victory.
Mid-December: I contact Whitman-Walker clinic like everyone told me to, and leave a message asking about transgender health care. I know it's been a while since I've landed but heck, I had a whole overwhelming job to do, so yeah. I get a call back from a guy who says "the trans group is on break for christmas, we'll call if it gets started again." I think, okay, I've got a bit of time and I can just reach them after break. He warns me that it's expensive to go through them if I already have health insurance, which I knew would be an issue. Just why am I so darn honest?
Later December: I come down with (what seems to me to be) strep, and embark on the excitement of flexing my Kaiser benefits for the first time. I meet Dr. Cooper, my new primary doctor (and the only other white person I've seen in the hospital during my visit). I explain that I'd like a throat culture. He asks if I'm on any medication, and I think to myself, "Here we go!" I explain myself, he says "whoa, I don't know nothin' about it, but okay, what do you need?" I'm pretty excited he's willing to work with me, and he gives me an order for bloodwork (for which I'm overdue) and I try to remember everything that needs to be included - cholesterol, liver panels, testosterone, anything else? No, I guess that'll do. (for any other folks in my situation, you need a CBC as well, as I was reminded later). He also gives me a referral to a Kaiser endocrinologist with the theory that they can prescribe me more testosterone and needles. I walk away hopeful that Kaiser can deal with me, I know they treat FTMs in San Francisco. It turns out I don't have strep.
Early February: Still no word from Whitman-Walker, I try calling the HIV testing hotline (I'm overdue and get tested regularly on principle) and nobody picks up. I search their website for the number (or any information) about trans healthcare and don't find anything.
Late February: Finally, after a month and change of waiting, my appointment with the endocrinologist arrives. Gosh, I'm nervous but hopeful. Dr. Bryan walks in, more nervous looking than I am, and says "Gosh, we're going to have to talk about some things. I sure wish your doctor had called me to talk about this beforehand!" It's very apparent to me that the translation of this is, "Fuck, I just read your chart 5 minutes before walking in here and had no idea what I was getting into." I say, "yes? Well, I made this appointment a month and a half ago...." He proceeds to explain that he has no idea about how to treat me (medically) and that as a consequence, he doesn't feel comfortable seeing me. I explain that there are very few doctors int eh DC area who do, that I had tried contacting Whitman-Walker, but that becuase I have healthcare, it would be very expensive to go to them. He gets more distressed (as do I) and keeps insisting that he doesn't know anything. I offer to get him phone numbers of either
1. A doctor in the Kaiser system who does;
2. My old primary doctor in San Francisco;
3. A doctor in the DC area who does.
He says he can't do that. I explain that he could be doing me harm by not prescribing me testosterone...if my ovaries fire up again, I can wind up with increased uterine and ovarian cancer risks. He says he has no idea and goes to call the presiding endocrinologist for the Kaiser system (the guy above him). When he comes back, I'm pretty freaked out at theis point, the only information he has for me is that Kaiser doesn't cover any transgender care. I explain that I'm used to paying for the testosterone out-of-pocket, but he knows and I know that doctor visits are way too expensive. He says, "yeah, I know, but I can't do this...maybe you can try another endocrinologist in the Kaiser system who knows more than I do?" Again, I call him on it - we both know that I'll get similar answers to the ones he's giving me. He admits that that's true. He goes and gets a referral for me - to a doctor at Johns Hopkins. I said that while I appreciate the effort, I don't have a car or the income to go out to Johs Hopkins and pay for a doctor visit out-of-pocket, that it's hundreds of dollars. He guiltily admits that this is also true - but reaffirms that he won't do anything for me. At some point, he mentions to me that my T levels are too high - above a "normal man's". I explain that the bloodwork was done very shortly after my shot, which totally effects the reported levels, but this sort of freaks me out as well (I've since confirmed with a doctor about that, and I was correct about that). He offers to refund me the $15 co-pay for my visit, because, as he states, "I've done nothing for you." It's a very weird interaction where he's very guilty about it all but unwilling to take any of my suggestions. I feel like he's trying to buy off his conscience and I decline the offer and leave, shaken. The message was clear: "I don't know what you are and I don't care to deal with you." This doesn't put me in a good mood for the day. There were points in the conversation I thought I was going to cry, and people near me these days know that that doesn't come easy.
Early March: I get an evaluation call from the Kaiser system and give them a piece of my mind (while of course being nice to the lady who's giving the call). Even she's kind of appalled at what I have gone through. I join an FTM listserv and ask questions, I get one doctor referral out in Virginia and lots of flamewars that were the sorts of things that made me run screaming from FTM-based organizing.
A week ago: After searching the Whitman-Walker site for a billionth time, on a whim I go to the "Lesbian Services" section. Who knew I was still a lesbian after all these years? But there it was, information about transgender health! I call, get a response later that day, and have a conversation with a very nice woman who knows about my healthcare issues. YAY! I now have an appointment with them, but first I have to wrest my bloodwork results from Kaiser...it'll cost me the first time, but it's not too bad after that. I mention that the website isn't the most forthcoming to trans people, and she replies that they darn well know it and are working to fix that. I laughingly offer that a flashing "Trannies click here!" button might be appropos.
Stay tuned for more adventures in tranny healthcare...
#2 - Gosh, I have comments!
Here's my deal with #2:
I have friends who read my blog. Likely, you're one of them. Howdy, friend!
A while ago, I hooked up one of those free commenting systems. Then, it mysteriously broke. Sometime thereafter I got up the gumption to fix them, and forthwith ceased to read comments. In fact, the whole idea that not only are people reading my blog, but *commenting* on it was sort of overwhelming.
BUT NO MORE! I went through and read the various comments, and have been systematically replying to them. Don't be discouraged! Comment far and wide! Ask me obscure questions, remark on my ceaseless use of exclamation points! Critique my frequent habit of beginning sentances with the word "so"! I will reply. No longer will this be an exercise in futility for you, my dear blog-reader.
I have friends who read my blog. Likely, you're one of them. Howdy, friend!
A while ago, I hooked up one of those free commenting systems. Then, it mysteriously broke. Sometime thereafter I got up the gumption to fix them, and forthwith ceased to read comments. In fact, the whole idea that not only are people reading my blog, but *commenting* on it was sort of overwhelming.
BUT NO MORE! I went through and read the various comments, and have been systematically replying to them. Don't be discouraged! Comment far and wide! Ask me obscure questions, remark on my ceaseless use of exclamation points! Critique my frequent habit of beginning sentances with the word "so"! I will reply. No longer will this be an exercise in futility for you, my dear blog-reader.
So much catch up!
I know it's bad when I write lists to myself of things I want to post in this blog. I've been thinking (a dangerous thing) and reading, and, well, traveling constantly. The list I wrote was:
1. My health care tangle
2. Gosh, I have comments!
3. California fun
4. Reaction to reading
5. Photos forthcoming
So you will see, in some order, some of these topics will be dealt with forthwith. Yay!
1. My health care tangle
2. Gosh, I have comments!
3. California fun
4. Reaction to reading
5. Photos forthcoming
So you will see, in some order, some of these topics will be dealt with forthwith. Yay!
Sunday, March 13, 2005
for whom the bell tolls
I arrive, after a particularly cumbersome train-to-Baltimore, connection-through-Philly flight to Louisville, at the U of L. There’s a student conference that was originally building for a huge protest yesterday, a culmination of the efforts of four years of struggle and boycott by the Coalition of Immokalee Workers against Taco Bell and their parent company, Yum! Brands.
But instead of more settling in for another round of chanting, marching, picketing, and leafletting, we were CELEBRATING! It was announced last Wednesday that Taco Bell and Yum had conceded to ALL of their demands, the most central of which is a raise of 1¢ per pound for each pound of tomatos picked.
To see more details of this historic accomplishment see the Coalition of Immokalee Workers website.
One of the particular significances of this agreement is that it’s the first time a fast food company has taken responsibility for the profits they reap through exploitation in the supply chain. Now that they’ve conceded, Yum! will definitely be pressuring other brands to step up; I’m sure they don’t want to lose the ‘competitive edge’ of profits that child labor and modern-day slavery conditions has gained them thusfar.
It’s been inspiring to be in the company of so many luchadores. We got a sneak preview of a movie that will no doubt be coming out soon, although perhaps not to the big multiplex theaters near you...track it down, it’s work watching.
During the conference there was a panel called “New Models of Organizing” which included representatives of Worker’s Centers from Minnesota to Mississippi, and the MST (Landless Workers’ Movement in Brazil). Facing the INS, the Klan, the police, poverty, homelessness, and myriads of divide-and-conquer mechanisms, workers are coming together and fighting for their rights/lives. The most exciting part is, they’re winning! Everybody was clear that this work is far from over, we have a long way to go - but what a way to keep going in the meantime!The keynote speaker was Anne Braden, it was amazing to get to hear her in person.
It’s hard to leave the celebration. The CIW organizers go back to picking tomatoes in pesticide-laden fields that my friends and relatives will eat, and live in trailers with collapsing floors. I go back to an apartment in Washington where I sleep, do laundry, eat food other people prepared, grew and harvested for me, and get ready to travel (again) courtesy of dues from service workers’ paychecks. How do we remain honest about the exact situations of our world while struggling for justice? How are these truths reconciled? I don’t know that they are, but I hope to never stop asking myself that question.
But instead of more settling in for another round of chanting, marching, picketing, and leafletting, we were CELEBRATING! It was announced last Wednesday that Taco Bell and Yum had conceded to ALL of their demands, the most central of which is a raise of 1¢ per pound for each pound of tomatos picked.
To see more details of this historic accomplishment see the Coalition of Immokalee Workers website.
One of the particular significances of this agreement is that it’s the first time a fast food company has taken responsibility for the profits they reap through exploitation in the supply chain. Now that they’ve conceded, Yum! will definitely be pressuring other brands to step up; I’m sure they don’t want to lose the ‘competitive edge’ of profits that child labor and modern-day slavery conditions has gained them thusfar.
It’s been inspiring to be in the company of so many luchadores. We got a sneak preview of a movie that will no doubt be coming out soon, although perhaps not to the big multiplex theaters near you...track it down, it’s work watching.
During the conference there was a panel called “New Models of Organizing” which included representatives of Worker’s Centers from Minnesota to Mississippi, and the MST (Landless Workers’ Movement in Brazil). Facing the INS, the Klan, the police, poverty, homelessness, and myriads of divide-and-conquer mechanisms, workers are coming together and fighting for their rights/lives. The most exciting part is, they’re winning! Everybody was clear that this work is far from over, we have a long way to go - but what a way to keep going in the meantime!The keynote speaker was Anne Braden, it was amazing to get to hear her in person.
It’s hard to leave the celebration. The CIW organizers go back to picking tomatoes in pesticide-laden fields that my friends and relatives will eat, and live in trailers with collapsing floors. I go back to an apartment in Washington where I sleep, do laundry, eat food other people prepared, grew and harvested for me, and get ready to travel (again) courtesy of dues from service workers’ paychecks. How do we remain honest about the exact situations of our world while struggling for justice? How are these truths reconciled? I don’t know that they are, but I hope to never stop asking myself that question.
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