#4 - Ramblin' and readin'!

While I've been in the air constantly, it's provided an opportunity to catch up on reading I've wanted to do for years. I mean, like, since I was in my late teens. It's a preferable diversion to clutching my armrests to semi-frequent turbulence, and man, I never get used to that.

What I've been reading:

• I'm currently barreling through Living In, Living Out: African American Domestics and the Great Migration by Elizabeth Clark-Lewis. I was assigned this book in college, but shamefully enough I didn't finish it. I was working like crazy at the time, but it's not that great an excuse. Anyhow, I always intended to finish it, and here I am. It's a wonderful account of the life stories of African American women workers from the early-to-mid 1900s. It's particularly crucial history given that my job is building student solidarity with campus service workers, the vast majority of whom are Women of Color, usually of African descent or immigrants from Central America.
  
  
• For St. Patrick's Day, I read How the Irish Became White by Noel Ignatiev. Another book I'd intended to read for a while, it's a pretty depressing account of the ways that recent Irish immigrants to the U.S. took the side of the slaveholders and shifted identities from Irish (or often as from a particular county in Ireland) to "white", with all the oppressiveness that whiteness entails in the U.S. It also draws out the story of the foundation of labor as racist protectionism through the examples of political manuevers in Philadelphia (a city with a large Irish immigrant population in the mid 1800s). Yikes. Positive things include the St. Patrick's Brigade - a group of Irish immigrants to the US sent to fight Mexico who defected and fought on the Mexican side. But that's not much in the grand scheme of things. I'll mention here that I'm part Irish - actually a pretty large part, but ya can't tell by looking because I'm also Hungarian, which makes me olivey and dark-haired and stuff. But more on myself, presentation/perception, background, and complicated stuff like that later.
  
  
• I blazed through This Bridge Called My Back: Writings by Radical Women of Color (eds. Gloria Anzaldúa & Cherríe Moraga). I had read about a third of it long ago, and re-read that third two years ago. While I feel guilty to admit it, I had never finished it until recently, but it was incredibly refreshing to read it in its entirety. It's one of those books I forget to recommend to people because I assume that everyone I talk to has read it, because they SHOULD. But therein lies my hypocracy, until recently. I had read later bits as copied readings for various study groups, but reading it in a single sitting is a different experience. While I was reading it, I was inspired, corrected, challenged, and elated - my favorite being Pat Parker's essay at the very end (Revolution:
  It's Not Neat or Pretty or Quick.) But I also had a new reaction - there was one piece by hattie gossett about Bilie Holiday (Billie Lives! Billie Lives!) and the song "Gloomy Sunday" that caused me to seriously examine aspects of my Hungarian-ness. I don't actually agree with the piece (which is healthy) but understand where the artist was coming from. I think that my reaction and thoughts warrant their own post so I'll spare you here.
  
  
• Guns, Germs & Steel (Jared Diamond). This 400+ page tome was actually a real page-turner for me. Now, I'm a total geek (this may have become apparent by now) so that may have had something to do with it. But now when I sit down to eat, I think about all the places the ingredients were first domesticated and their impact on human societies. One person said to me offhandedly, "Oh, you mean, the book about how white people aren't responsible for imperialism?" I can understand that perspective on it, for sure. But the primary thesis of the book is how environmental factors (not deficiencies in people themselves, as racist premises go) account for the different trajectories of human societies and their massively consequential impacts - like, how people in Europe wound up resistant to smallpox while people indigenous to here weren't. He doesn't get into the stuff where then invaders from Europe deliberately spread it as a weapon after realizing this impact, and that's for sure problematic. I'm interested to read his next book and see where he goes from here.
  

California Soul

I spent this weekend in the Bay Area, it was sooooo good! And such a tease. I had, like, two seconds to see anybody.

Firstly, I think I have a small curse that I have to ward off. During my tight connection at Dallas-Ft. Worth airport, my cell phone fell out of my pocket on the plane as I was running to catch the next one. ARGH! This was my second time back in Cali since I left, and again I'm without a cell phone! American Airlines found it and held it for me, but there wasn't enough time to run back to the terminal and get it before my connection left. So if you didn't get a call from me (or even know that I was in town), that's why...it wasn't for lack of trying. I picked it up on my way back through Dallas.

Gosh I miss EVERYBODY in California. And the weather. It was raining, but still a lovely 60º out! I stayed with Miz Mazzy for two nights, and that was quite good. It was wonderful that she came to get me at the airport, because otherwise I wouldn't have had enough change to call her and let me in the house...at least I lose my phone in places where people support me.

I ate too much vegan food, went to this sort of weird, spread-out student conference at Berkeley - we'd been invited to speak at a panel there, which they set for 9am Sunday morning - and saw some of my people! It's handy that there was a big anti-war rally, so I dropped by with my rolly luggage in tow and gave hugs all around. Man, it's nice to come home!

My pal Cathy Rion put me up for a night, and we wandered around the Albany landfill and ate dumplings at Shan Dong. Later we went to a big benefit for Critical Resistance that my pal Sarah threw, and tons of people I know were there. While it was way too brief, it was still so lovely to see folks. She dropped me off at the airport after playing cello for the Unitarian church she belongs to in Oakland.

As I announced to all my folks at the time, I'll be back! I'm planning a longer and not-work trip to California (one where I have enough time to see my parents, and, like, everybody) at the end of April - beginning of May. See some of ya soon!

#1 - Dr. Translove

Or, how I stopped worrying and learned to love ANY healthcare provider who would deal with me.

This is one of those threads in my life that I kept meaning to post, but somehow was so frustrated by that spending the time to get it in words seemed insurmountable.

OK, first off, I got the memo that I would never have access to the kind of trans-friendly healthcare that I had in San Francisco...so I stocked up on my necessaries so I'd have some months to track down whatever doctors would deal with me. What I didn't really get was just HOW BAD it would be. Don't worry - this story ends with a partial victory.

Mid-December: I contact Whitman-Walker clinic like everyone told me to, and leave a message asking about transgender health care. I know it's been a while since I've landed but heck, I had a whole overwhelming job to do, so yeah. I get a call back from a guy who says "the trans group is on break for christmas, we'll call if it gets started again." I think, okay, I've got a bit of time and I can just reach them after break. He warns me that it's expensive to go through them if I already have health insurance, which I knew would be an issue. Just why am I so darn honest?

Later December: I come down with (what seems to me to be) strep, and embark on the excitement of flexing my Kaiser benefits for the first time. I meet Dr. Cooper, my new primary doctor (and the only other white person I've seen in the hospital during my visit). I explain that I'd like a throat culture. He asks if I'm on any medication, and I think to myself, "Here we go!" I explain myself, he says "whoa, I don't know nothin' about it, but okay, what do you need?" I'm pretty excited he's willing to work with me, and he gives me an order for bloodwork (for which I'm overdue) and I try to remember everything that needs to be included - cholesterol, liver panels, testosterone, anything else? No, I guess that'll do. (for any other folks in my situation, you need a CBC as well, as I was reminded later). He also gives me a referral to a Kaiser endocrinologist with the theory that they can prescribe me more testosterone and needles. I walk away hopeful that Kaiser can deal with me, I know they treat FTMs in San Francisco. It turns out I don't have strep.

Early February: Still no word from Whitman-Walker, I try calling the HIV testing hotline (I'm overdue and get tested regularly on principle) and nobody picks up. I search their website for the number (or any information) about trans healthcare and don't find anything.

Late February: Finally, after a month and change of waiting, my appointment with the endocrinologist arrives. Gosh, I'm nervous but hopeful. Dr. Bryan walks in, more nervous looking than I am, and says "Gosh, we're going to have to talk about some things. I sure wish your doctor had called me to talk about this beforehand!" It's very apparent to me that the translation of this is, "Fuck, I just read your chart 5 minutes before walking in here and had no idea what I was getting into." I say, "yes? Well, I made this appointment a month and a half ago...." He proceeds to explain that he has no idea about how to treat me (medically) and that as a consequence, he doesn't feel comfortable seeing me. I explain that there are very few doctors int eh DC area who do, that I had tried contacting Whitman-Walker, but that becuase I have healthcare, it would be very expensive to go to them. He gets more distressed (as do I) and keeps insisting that he doesn't know anything. I offer to get him phone numbers of either
1. A doctor in the Kaiser system who does;
2. My old primary doctor in San Francisco;
3. A doctor in the DC area who does.
He says he can't do that. I explain that he could be doing me harm by not prescribing me testosterone...if my ovaries fire up again, I can wind up with increased uterine and ovarian cancer risks. He says he has no idea and goes to call the presiding endocrinologist for the Kaiser system (the guy above him). When he comes back, I'm pretty freaked out at theis point, the only information he has for me is that Kaiser doesn't cover any transgender care. I explain that I'm used to paying for the testosterone out-of-pocket, but he knows and I know that doctor visits are way too expensive. He says, "yeah, I know, but I can't do this...maybe you can try another endocrinologist in the Kaiser system who knows more than I do?" Again, I call him on it - we both know that I'll get similar answers to the ones he's giving me. He admits that that's true. He goes and gets a referral for me - to a doctor at Johns Hopkins. I said that while I appreciate the effort, I don't have a car or the income to go out to Johs Hopkins and pay for a doctor visit out-of-pocket, that it's hundreds of dollars. He guiltily admits that this is also true - but reaffirms that he won't do anything for me. At some point, he mentions to me that my T levels are too high - above a "normal man's". I explain that the bloodwork was done very shortly after my shot, which totally effects the reported levels, but this sort of freaks me out as well (I've since confirmed with a doctor about that, and I was correct about that). He offers to refund me the $15 co-pay for my visit, because, as he states, "I've done nothing for you." It's a very weird interaction where he's very guilty about it all but unwilling to take any of my suggestions. I feel like he's trying to buy off his conscience and I decline the offer and leave, shaken. The message was clear: "I don't know what you are and I don't care to deal with you." This doesn't put me in a good mood for the day. There were points in the conversation I thought I was going to cry, and people near me these days know that that doesn't come easy.

Early March: I get an evaluation call from the Kaiser system and give them a piece of my mind (while of course being nice to the lady who's giving the call). Even she's kind of appalled at what I have gone through. I join an FTM listserv and ask questions, I get one doctor referral out in Virginia and lots of flamewars that were the sorts of things that made me run screaming from FTM-based organizing.

A week ago: After searching the Whitman-Walker site for a billionth time, on a whim I go to the "Lesbian Services" section. Who knew I was still a lesbian after all these years? But there it was, information about transgender health! I call, get a response later that day, and have a conversation with a very nice woman who knows about my healthcare issues. YAY! I now have an appointment with them, but first I have to wrest my bloodwork results from Kaiser...it'll cost me the first time, but it's not too bad after that. I mention that the website isn't the most forthcoming to trans people, and she replies that they darn well know it and are working to fix that. I laughingly offer that a flashing "Trannies click here!" button might be appropos.

Stay tuned for more adventures in tranny healthcare...

#2 - Gosh, I have comments!

Here's my deal with #2:
I have friends who read my blog. Likely, you're one of them. Howdy, friend!
A while ago, I hooked up one of those free commenting systems. Then, it mysteriously broke. Sometime thereafter I got up the gumption to fix them, and forthwith ceased to read comments. In fact, the whole idea that not only are people reading my blog, but *commenting* on it was sort of overwhelming.

BUT NO MORE! I went through and read the various comments, and have been systematically replying to them. Don't be discouraged! Comment far and wide! Ask me obscure questions, remark on my ceaseless use of exclamation points! Critique my frequent habit of beginning sentances with the word "so"! I will reply. No longer will this be an exercise in futility for you, my dear blog-reader.

So much catch up!

I know it's bad when I write lists to myself of things I want to post in this blog. I've been thinking (a dangerous thing) and reading, and, well, traveling constantly. The list I wrote was:

1. My health care tangle
2. Gosh, I have comments!
3. California fun
4. Reaction to reading
5. Photos forthcoming

So you will see, in some order, some of these topics will be dealt with forthwith. Yay!

for whom the bell tolls

I arrive, after a particularly cumbersome train-to-Baltimore, connection-through-Philly flight to Louisville, at the U of L. There’s a student conference that was originally building for a huge protest yesterday, a culmination of the efforts of four years of struggle and boycott by the Coalition of Immokalee Workers against Taco Bell and their parent company, Yum! Brands.

But instead of more settling in for another round of chanting, marching, picketing, and leafletting, we were CELEBRATING! It was announced last Wednesday that Taco Bell and Yum had conceded to ALL of their demands, the most central of which is a raise of 1¢ per pound for each pound of tomatos picked.

To see more details of this historic accomplishment see the Coalition of Immokalee Workers website.

One of the particular significances of this agreement is that it’s the first time a fast food company has taken responsibility for the profits they reap through exploitation in the supply chain. Now that they’ve conceded, Yum! will definitely be pressuring other brands to step up; I’m sure they don’t want to lose the ‘competitive edge’ of profits that child labor and modern-day slavery conditions has gained them thusfar.

It’s been inspiring to be in the company of so many luchadores. We got a sneak preview of a movie that will no doubt be coming out soon, although perhaps not to the big multiplex theaters near you...track it down, it’s work watching.

During the conference there was a panel called “New Models of Organizing” which included representatives of Worker’s Centers from Minnesota to Mississippi, and the MST (Landless Workers’ Movement in Brazil). Facing the INS, the Klan, the police, poverty, homelessness, and myriads of divide-and-conquer mechanisms, workers are coming together and fighting for their rights/lives. The most exciting part is, they’re winning! Everybody was clear that this work is far from over, we have a long way to go - but what a way to keep going in the meantime!The keynote speaker was Anne Braden, it was amazing to get to hear her in person.

It’s hard to leave the celebration. The CIW organizers go back to picking tomatoes in pesticide-laden fields that my friends and relatives will eat, and live in trailers with collapsing floors. I go back to an apartment in Washington where I sleep, do laundry, eat food other people prepared, grew and harvested for me, and get ready to travel (again) courtesy of dues from service workers’ paychecks. How do we remain honest about the exact situations of our world while struggling for justice? How are these truths reconciled? I don’t know that they are, but I hope to never stop asking myself that question.